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We had meet long before I had the realization that everyone was an aspect of me. Whether it be a conscious aspect or not. That is not saying she was not conscious. In one aspect, we all are. She was not on the wavelength that I was. We were in different spaces. Neither one really understanding the other one. When people talk about living in Unity Consciousness, I often wonder if they know what it means. Typically, we are not surrounded by people exactly like us. When we can find a way to respect and support each other with little in common, that is the key. Those are the moments we strive for.

If I said we had nothing in common, that would be an understatement. She had grown up street smart and my existence had been somewhat sheltered. But in the years after the baby was born we found a place to coexist. We would play out many roles in the span of four years. At one point, I felt like a sister, husband and mother. And if I asked her, I would imagine she would say the same thing. One thing was for sure, when the chips were down, she would be there. All you had to do was ask and she would do it. I would often joke, that is you needed someone to help you hide a body, she was the one to call.

In all seriousness, she taught me the core meaning of living in unity consciousness with another person. Although we didn’t live under the same roof. We lived close enough to where our lives did intertwine. What was our agreement? There were so many intracule parts to it. She would give me a child. I would experience motherhood because of her. My role was to assist with the care of the children, all three of them. I actually got to name the last child. It seemed like a fitting way to wrap up this chapter of our life.

When I finally got brave enough to cut up my credit cards she was there. Always willing to give whatever she had to get me through the tough spots. Sometime my universe would test my resolve, to see how serious I was with my journey. She was there when I was in a pinch. I never doubted that. She was the support system that I required in those years. We were the odd couple to say the least. Some people actually thought we were a couple who had adopted kids. We would laugh about that too. I guess to the casual observer it would have been out of the ordinary to see two people and three babies together all the time. We walked miles around that neighborhood and spent countless hours on the playground.

By 2019, I started to wonder what aspect she was of me. We were so different in our beliefs, deep down I knew the relationship would change. All of my other ones had. The more I transcended my core human programing; they had faded away. As more kids came, I did find myself seeing less of her. The baby and I would play outside while she tended to his siblings. I could see the writing on the wall but it would perplex me for a while. How could two people who were so different in vibration exist together. I knew the answer eventually was we would not be able to. Which aspect was she? I would find out quickly by the end of 2019.

****2026 Annette**** I will expand more on this relationship later and how it has shifted over the years. In human timelines, we would never had been in a relationship. Yes, this is a relationship. Everything we enter in during ascension is a relationships. They don’t have to be romantic to be relationships. That’s a human distortion we play in. They all matter. They all effect our energy field. No one is over another. These are the lessons we learn as we stumble through Ascension ****

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Until a moment is fully experienced, it cannot be explained. There are no words that can define a moment. Each one existing simultaneously together.

Adulthood ushers in a different relationship with moments. There are no magic ones. Each one feels like a stone resting upon our shoulders. We are not over the last one and another one hits us in the face. Moments that use to mean something become lifeless.

Magical moments are elusive. We rage against everything and everyone looking for something that remains hidden. The magic that used to surround us. We become at odds with our moments. They become our enemy. We waste the ones we have but secretively want more. That is the badge of adulthood, wasting and wanting.

The Devil Card in tarot has many iterations but the same theme, chains bound to nothing. It is the opposite of the cliché, “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.” It symbolizes “you can freely go home but you choose to stay chained here.” Choice is a topic that heavily defines adulthood. Growing up meant that the choices were ours. No longer would we have to listen to others. But instead of running free we walked into a cell, closing the door behind us.

As children we feel 20 feet tall, impervious to everything. Human consciousness starts chipping away at childhood wonder. We are conditioned to believe we are limited and small. The connection we once felt starts to glitch and dim. The term “coming of age” was created to make growing up sound like a glorious right of passage. It isn’t.

The term camouflages the truth, “coming of age” means cutting the cords to wonderment. It is not a destination to celebrate. It is a moment of great sacrifice and loss. The start of a long slumber till it is our time to awakening again.

We will, sometimes decades later. Where did those moments go? They feel all crumpled up together, like trying to read a faded newspaper.

Did none of those moments matter? None stand out. None felt magical. But it wasn’t the moment. It was our participation in the moment. Magic didn’t go away. We stopped creating it. The bark of a dog. The rainbow we made with the garden hose. That’s magic.

When we experience a moment fully and intimately, we infuse the magic into it. There is no magic moment. They are all magic moments, waiting to be experienced.

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I had to allow myself the space and time to truly grieve. I had to understand that part of my life was over and a new day was dawning. It didn’t matter that I could not see the sun. It didn’t matter that I had no idea what the next phase of my life would be. None of it mattered. All that mattered was that I be kind to myself in those moments. It is paradox that being kind to ourselves can be challenging sometimes.

I knew that my connection with myself would return. I had to get the tears out and then settle back inside again. I had to get through it. I also knew that one day I would understand why it had to be this way. I had to open myself up to new timelines and know that if he was meant to be in them then he would be. As I type these words, my heart is broken and my faith is shaken. This is the hardest chapter I had to write.

A majority of my personal journey was solo. Except for the 3 ½ years that I was adopted me. I didn’t realize how much connection he was for me. There are no words to describe him. I will stop trying to find them.

That type of pure love does funny things. It opened me up to that connection within myself. He left when he knew I could hold the connection without him being there. Everything that was not pure love had to clear out of my body. All that sadness and grief energy was not love. It was the distortion of love. It was the attachment and cords I had. I soon understood that grief was like happiness. It could not be attached to a thing. The “thing” triggered all that energy to come up and clear. None of that stuff could come with me on the next phase of my journey. It had kept my body in a lower vibration. It had to go and, on some level, we both knew that.

****2026 Annette **** I reread this for the first time today. And I started to cry all over again. I felt this part needed an update. After they moved, I sold my condo and rented a house. The timeline ended when they moved and it was to hard to be there without him. It was time for me to also start a new chapter. I would shift into a grandmother role now. The daily grind of motherhood was over for me. Funny how our Ascension Timelines condense our experiences.

No, we would not have the daily connection. They were 30 minutes away. But I saw him most days. He was adjusting too. He missed me living next door and wanted me to move there. But I knew that was not my path anymore. I would pick him up from preschool and we would play. That phase lasted till he started kindergarten.

That was when the shifts started coming. By 2022, I was struggle to stay in my rental. I wanted to stay near him but it was hard. I started seeing him less and less as his after school activities began. During the school year I might see him a few hours a week. Yes, we still had fun. Yes, he had toys at my house. Yes, I still enjoyed every moment with him. But the moments were changing. He was happy. He was stable.

Now, his parents were not conscious. That would become an issue as he grew. But back to the next part of our story. I had to move back home. I was no more money. The only reason I had hung on that long was for him and he was growing up. I could not pause time. I was tired of struggling, holding on. I made the decision to move back with my parents. They needed assistance and I needed a place to complete the next phase of my journey. Leaving that little boy was rough. I moved 3 hours away when he was 6 years old. He was a few months into first grade.

For the first 9 months, I visited every 3 weeks. I was scared he thought I did not love him. I would forget him. In truth, I was so afraid he would forget about me. Then I fixed a room for him and he would visit for days to a week at a time. It was fun times. He was old enough to play board games and talk to. Yes, I would doing so much driving but he was worth it. Every minute I drove.

Now for the next shift. This is current day. He is 9 years old. I know this is on my end more than his. He never worries about losing me. He knows I will always be there. I miss him. He wants to be home more. With his dog. With his family. With his friends. I see him less each year. But when I do we still have so much fun! We go to movies. We talk. My ego took a hit when I realized I was no longer his best friend. And yes, I keep his little ego in check. That is friction sometimes. But I still parent my way when he is with me. When he is with me, he has rules/discipline. When he is home, he doesn’t. I feel he would rather stay home sometimes and run wild. But he still wants to comes (just not as often) and he follows my rules.

He is growing up. I ask my universe again, “Be kind to me. Universe, please be kind to me.”

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