I started to see things for how they were. I gave up the wishing we could be in a different place. We were exactly where we were supposed to be. My human still struggled with that some days. For so many years, he had been in and out of my life. I wanted to see a reason for it all. Our human always wants a reason for everything. Sometimes there isn’t one. Maybe I should say it is not just one. There were a million reason why he was in my life. Sure, they might not have been the reason I wanted but they were still good reasons. They were soul aligned reasons. They were not human reasons.
To the outside observer we were casual friends but our connection was so much more than that. I understood that my relationship with him would take many more twist and turns in the years to come. This timeline with him was coming to an end, like so many of our others. I knew we would have another one. But I stopped my fixation on how it had to be. I would no longer “want” it to be a certain way. He would be in my life if he was meant to be. I had to concede to my universe and what was highest aligned for both of us.
As I write this, our story is not over. we are still friends. He will still pop out of my life for weeks or months at a time. Then he pops back in.
I started to realize that we could not have the realities in my dreams until we were both ready. In the past, we had so much of our own stuff in the way. There was a part of me that had to believe that we were on some type of cosmic schedule. We had to both be at a certain space internally. If we weren’t, we would keep playing out the karmic timelines. I didn’t want that anymore. Over the years, we had played out enough karmic timelines.
It got to a point where I didn’t even want to talk about the past encounters with him. I learned that would recreate them. I wanted a connection that was open and honest. But I had to be able to do that first. I had to be the forerunner in the connection. That didn’t mean that I would pursue him. It meant that when the opportunity presented itself, I would be the one to open up about how I felt. It was the one thing that we had not done. We had not been honest with each other. We were playing in a game of feeling the other person out. I was done playing that game. I knew I had to step up the next time an opportunity presented itself. I had to end the loop cycles we were playing out. It was time for our roles to change. I had to expect more from him and the only way to get that was give more of myself.
The one thing I was sure of was my timeline in Virginia was ending. His was too. I knew there were timelines that we could play out together in other parts of the country. But I wasn’t sure the timeframe on them. At this point, I had given up trying to figure it out. My human wanted to know what came next for us. Who wouldn’t? But I had to work through that programming every day. I had to get to a point where it didn’t matter if he was in my life or not. I wanted to say I was there but he still took my breath away when he entered the room. He wasn’t like the others. I would learn to be kind with myself regarding him. I didn’t beat myself up when I dove back into the twin matrix and obsessed on what he was going to do next. I would catch it and say “no.” I would refocus on something else.
My issue in those days was there didn’t seem to be much else. It was not as if I was doing nothing. I was out in my community. I was putting in the work. But I would later understand that if I had been too busy with other things, I would not have been able to work through all of this programming. The more programming, I worked through the more stuff came in. I was not busy but I had more going on then I had before. I had clients. It was not many but I had them. I knew that this was a time to bulldoze human programming. It was not the time to bury myself in other things. I had to focus on my vibration and understand the reasons things were playing out. I had to be at a place inside to do that. I had to be at peace and joy inside. When I was there, everything seemed perfect.
It didn’t matter how many clients I had. It didn’t matter how much money I had. Nothing mattered when I was in that place. Until you are there, it is hard to explain it. It is hard to compare it to anything else. There are no emotions there. There is no logic there. It is nothing there. That is where I had to get with him. I had to be able to remain peaceful inside and not spin out when we interacted. That was critical to our next phase. I had to master the twin matrix. I had to clear it.
I would ask my universe every night to clear my twin karma. It was so frustrating to let someone get to me the way he did. Over ninety percent of our relationship had been stops and starts, ins and outs. It was not that enjoyable. I had to remind myself of that. The twin matrix is like swimming upstream with sharks. There is a part of me that knew once I got to the other side it would be the most exhilarated feeling. I could not judge myself that I still wanted to see him. It was the matrix. If I could accept the fact that I was clearing it consciously, then I would not beat myself up when I noised around for news about him. I would say, “opps, there I go again. No more. Different program.”
Open and honest communication with him was the next step. I knew my universe would at some point give me that opportunity. I had to be at a place to do it first. I had to activate those codes within myself. If I could not be honest with the neighbor, I had no shot with him and I knew it. I was doing all I could to embody that aspect of me. I would be as transparent as possible even with him. Then the chips would fall where they may. He would be there for the next timeline or someone else who was ready would step in. That was for certain. My universe would not let my higher timelines rest on one person. No way that was the design. Someone else would step forward to partner with in the next phase. Only time would tell who that would be.
Update 2026: Now normally, I don’t give my 2026 perspective. I publish these as I wrote them many years ago. Since this was my last twin, I felt a conclusion was necessary. One night in early 2020, I asked my universe to remove him from my world. It had to be done. I had to be done. The next morning, he had a job in Florida and that was that. I said goodbye and wished him good luck. He was gone for a few months. Covid started and he returned for a while. The last time I saw him was May 2020.
A few dead end texts and it was done. I moved in 2022. No more twins. Six years later I can still say, no more twins. I had done it. As I reread these entries years later, some of these moments seemed dramatic and exciting. They weren’t. If I see him on TV or hear his voice on the radio, I do smile. And I probably always will. Another contract marked complete.