This might start to read like an exert from the movie “A Christmas Carol.” It was like that after a while. I remember it was a cold night and I went to bar that I frequented. Now when I say I meet my “twin”, let’s remember that technically everyone is. And to be honest, I had meet many along the way. But when I look back this encounter was bigger than the others. Not so much for the relationship but more for the aftermath. It pushed me toward another road. It might not mark the start of my journey but it was a major fork in the road.
Yes, he was tall, dark and handsome. All my twins were. We normally make them look similar so they are easy for us to spot. I digress. Where was I? Yes, a cold winter night a few days before Christmas. Funny as I write this, Christmas would become a big marker for me. It would be both a time of starts and stops. Maybe because of the stillness of that time of year. It has a certain magic to it. Then ending of one year and the promise of the next.
I was arriving and he was leaving.
That should have been a clue on how it would end. He stopped long enough to get my information. That was all we needed. The first date was bliss. I would like to say it was as if we had this special connection. It wasn’t really that for me. He was someone I liked a lot. Of course, he didn’t live in town. The Twin Cities was his home. As I write that, I chuckle, how ironic. Let’s add another layer of difficulty to the entire equation. He was dating another woman. He said they were not exclusive, so I jumped in.
I would travel to visit. Even though it was far from my “dream”, it was nice to connect. Even though I was doing a lot of the work for that connection. I was putting in all the energy and money. Let’s be clear that twins show us where we will compromise. They show things we couldn’t see before. That is what they do for us. At the time, I didn’t see that. I so badly wanted a commitment that I failed to see he had little interest. Sure, he had other options. But I was determined that in the end it would work out. It didn’t.
I was ghosted after 3 months and by all accounts devastated. I read so many books on heart break/heart opening. There was not one self-help book I didn’t read. I was clearing so my sadness and grief it was unbelievable. I don’t even remember much about the months that followed that break up. It was one of the hardest moments in my life. I don’t even know why. Our connection was nothing fantastic. Neither of us were capable of loving each other at any meaningful level. But in that moment, it felt like a massive loss.
Then came the important part, though my human would not see it that way. The aftermath is where the story really begins.