I kept thinking that I could keep all the balls in the air and my new realities would come in. Once again, I learned that was not the way it worked. Credit was a complete lack program. Even when I could pay the bills, it was lack. I was holding on to my money like it was finite. It was like I never had enough. The energy I was transmitting out was “I don’t have money.” Another lack program I played in was paying things on the due date, holding back my money.
By April of that year most things were exhausted and so was I. I had to do the unthinkable at the time. I had to call my parents for assistance. As adults when we have to take money from our parents or live with our parents it is a time for resolution. It is time for us to make peace with all of the childhood. At first, I was judging the money. I felt like a failure. Then I started to see the bigger picture, once I got past all the judgement.
Money would be there in nonlinear ways. I would put up 60 videos and then I would get a random check in the mail. I was supported but not in the ways I thought. In 2019, I didn’t have clients beating down my door. I had some and by fall of that year, I had money coming in but about ¼ (if that) of what I had built my reality on. I was sinking fast.
Now if I looked at this from my higher aspect, I would have seen that my parents were souls and we had a soul contract. They had the money to support me and that was our agreement. They had set up their reality so when the time came, they would be able to support. Now they did not see it that way. They felt I had lost my mind. They didn’t understand and part of me new they never would. They still lived their human lives.
I was judging where the money was coming from. I had to get over that. It didn’t matter where the money was coming from. The point was it kept me a float.
I changed by fiscal thinking out of desperation by April of 2019. I lived on cash. I cancelled all my credit cards and set up plans to pay them back. It was scary when the credit cards had to go. That was the point. They had been my security blanket that year. I knew if I wanted to crack the abundance code in all areas of my life they had to go. I didn’t miss them. It did push me to every fear I had.
***2026 Annette here - Now if might seem like I solved an issue here. I might have but I was still trying to hold on to something. A plan to pay my creditors back? How? I had no money? But I could not just walk away. My ego was not allowing/ready for that. I was to afraid to do that. So we will put a pin in this for now. But promising money I did not have….was a lesson I would learn over and over again***Back to 2019 Annette
Another item that had to go, auto pay. Auto pay would prove to be one of my biggest adversaries. It took me a while to understand that I couldn’t treat my finances like I had in the past. I didn’t have a set amount of money coming in every two weeks. I had many items overdraw my bank account till I finally cancelled them. I will admit that sometimes auto payments assisted me because the bank would let them go through. It was assistance sometimes, even if it didn’t come in the form I wanted it to.
My mind would play out all the terrible scenarios. I would be homeless. I would have no food in the house. I had made a terrible mistake and ruined everything I had worked so hard to build. Yes, some bills were paid late. Yes, even the mortgage. I got to a point where I didn’t even look at the date things were due. I would pay them when the money arrived. Sometimes they got paid early and sometimes they didn’t.
I had to stop judging myself. Judgement was a hard program to break. I would look at people with “normal” jobs and wish I could go back there. I wish it was easy to go back into the matrix. There is a point where you are so far down the other road that you can’t anymore. I knew the third dimensional realities existed but I couldn’t play in them anymore. I was past that now.
I appreciated things more. Sometimes I didn’t have everything my human wanted. I had to wait till the money came in and I that wasn’t easy for my ego. I wanted to go shopping but when your choice was shopping or toilet paper, necessities won out. I felt like I was in college again. The people that knew how my situation was thought I had lost my mind. I had lost my linear mind.
I cried a lot that year. And for the first time it was not over a relationship or job. Well my fourth twin would lead me to some break points but the fiscal stress was the underlying trigger. It took every amount of faith I had to keep going. What was I suppose to do? My credit score was shot. I had been out of the corporate world for in truth since 2014. I would constantly get letters from the mortgage company. It looked like a monetary disaster! I guess to a human it would be.
My human felt like it was. Especially on the days when bills were late and I was low on food. But the funny part I kept seeing the other realities. I have said there was not just one and that is true. I knew I had to paint the house and redo the hardwood. I woke up one day and knew that. I started anchoring in that reality. I would talk to contractors and pick out paint. That is how I lived. I knew things had to be done and I did them. I knew that when the time was right, the money would be there for the house makeover.
I couldn’t pay the mortgage but I was planning on redoing the house! That is where I might loss some people. But a vibrational existence is nothing like the old. I knew that the house needed to be upgraded to support the next phase of my journey. It had to support my new vibration. That is how I knew the mortgage would work itself out. It wasn’t time for me to leave. I had other things to do here.
But did I? Or was my human afraid to sell my house? I could not support my vibration there. That is why I felt to upgrade my space. But I had barely enough to eat. So there was a disconnect. It would take me a while to connect the dots.
I did a similar thing in the fall of the prior year. I felt guided to do a mini makeover on the house. I would get new furniture, pillows and rugs. I would give away furniture that felt vibrationally off. I had to upgrade the house for my next phase. At the time, I paid for it with my savings. That would seem odd to some. Spending money on a makeover when you should save the money to pay the mortgage. I knew I had to do it. If I didn’t do it, I would be holding myself back. The difference here. I had the money then.
I didn’t now.
This is a tricky one. Stay tuned.