My universe would bring me money in the most random ways. I would get checks from companies that said they owed me money. I would get babysitting jobs that would pay for my food. I never did without the essential things I needed. Now the days of me buying a new wardrobe every year were on hold till I appreciated the clothes I had. Never the less, money would come in HIGHLY unusually ways. That is what kept me going on days when I doubted my entire process. The days when my mother would tell me what a massive financial mess I had gotten myself into. She was not wrong.
She would tell me that I was in a hole. I would teach to others that people speak our fears back to us. They verbally speak what we feel inside. That is what she was doing. She was mirroring back my doubt. Sometimes when I was on the phone, I couldn’t see that. But once I got in another space I could. It showed me I had to shift my feelings on it.
I had created my financial situation over the past eleven years. I don’t blame myself for the choices I made. I was unconscious to what I was creating. But once I knew better, I could not keep creating it. The trick is that once you understand the game, you can’t play anymore.
If I did, I would get a harsh reminder by my universe to stop doing that. I had to figure out how the new game worked.
My universe would always make sure I had money for food. The other bills would wait. Sometimes the mortgage would wait. Now the first time this happened my human was breathing into a paper bag. When It happened the second time, I took it in stride. I would use this as a gauge of how much fear was left. If I was afraid of getting calls from bill collectors, I would have to work through that energy. Once none of it bothered me anymore, my financial situation would improve. I had to stop giving my power away to my financial situation. I was still in charge. Many people had gone through a situation where they could not pay their bills. I had to stop the judgment I had around it.
I had to stop the judgement around how the money came in too. My human wanted to have tons of clients beating down the door to pay me. It wanted my on-line store sales to be through the roof. I did not want to be cleaning my house, babysitting and getting money from my parents. But there I was. I had gone from making six figures to getting super excited to have twenty dollars in my wallet. I would be excited to put gas in the car. It was a different place to be. A humble space to be.
I said earlier that money never made anyone happy. I stick by that. In some ways, I was happier than I had ever been. I will admit that the money situation would frustrate me sometimes but I knew it was a phase that would improve. I would say to myself, “do you really think you are going to starve in your house?” I knew deep down the answer was no.
My biggest supporters during this time, were my parents. Yes, the girl who had moved out of the house at 18 was taking money from her parents. How many hits would my ego take? Over the course of 2019, they would give me $20,000. Which I used to pay my mortgage, utilities and food. I lived on $20,000 in 2019. There was no extra. But I was still standing.
When you are an adult, there is a lot of self judgement about taking money from your parents. I had to understand that at this point in my life, that was their role to play. But I also knew it was a karmic timeline.
It would only be aligned for a little while. Every time my mother would send money, she would mention me getting a “real” job. I knew my parents wanted me to go back to a corporate job and I knew I wasn’t. I knew the money would eventually not be aligned. But that also meant I was moving into a different phase.
My parents would see things through a different lens. They were aspects of me that didn’t understand the choices I was making. They didn’t see me doing anything tangible to improve my situation. I understand that it might look that way. I lived in a different world where the old rules didn’t apply. I had no interest in them anymore. My parents were embedded deeply in those worlds as were so many others in my life. I knew this could not last. I feared that day. I knew what it meant.
I lied many times to keep the money coming. I would tell my parents I would go back to a normal life. It brought up so much shame and guilt. I dreaded that phone call monthly asking them for assistance. I was clearing so much fear. It was rough.
I knew that my life would never be back to “normal.” I had a new normal. My first priority was my vibration and what I was creating in the world. My life did not revolve around playing out the old anymore. I knew they didn’t understand that. I would not try to explain it. They fulfilled their contract and supported me. I thank them so much for that. They were a huge gift from my universe. It might not have been how I wanted the money to come in, but it came in. That was all that mattered. All my emotions around it had to come up to leave.
I knew something else would come in as a financial support system. I was no longer in the business of figuring out what that would be. Nothing had gone the way I thought it would. Most of my friends thought I was in the middle of a horror story. I will admit sometimes it felt that way. But I knew I was being taught respect, integrity and honor from the soul’s perspective. It was a learning period. There was a part of me that wanted to see where things would end up.
***2026 Annette- 2019 was rough. First off, I had to sell my house at the end of that year. Aligned realities are not that hard. And my reality had gotten hard. I was trying to stay in the same place and have something new happen. So after 10 years there, I sold. Took the profits and had enough money to live without support for 6 months. After that six months, I had no idea what came next. I needed a miracle**** Turns out 2020 brought me one.