I mentioned earlier that it was the aftermath of the story that was important. My turning point came when I went to see a Reiki master for treatment. I needed energy work. At least that is what the tarot card reader told me. Yes, I went to many a tarot card reader to find out when the “not so much love of my life” would return. When I say I was a mess, believe me.
The Reiki teacher worked on me and so began my interest in energy work. It opened my eyes to something more. I felt at peace and connected when I was being treated. This teacher and I would become friends. She would be my mentor for years to come. She opened me up. All of a sudden, I could hear energy. Whether it was psychic abilities or mediumship, I could tap into it. Sure, I was in the very beginning phases of my exploration but it was there. All of a suddenly my world was bigger. Now, I was still a mess. But I was a more connected mess.
In 2013, I would complete Reiki 1 and Reiki 2. I would learn later that Reiki was a “key code” for when it was time for people to wake up. It was that for me. I started volunteering at the hospital. It was a great place to practice Reiki and feel connected. Even though at that point, I could not hold the connection outside of that space. I wasn’t connected enough inside.
Did I miss my twin? Yes. I still wanted to understand why the abrupt departure. The twin connection only made me want to know more. It was a rabbit hole in itself. It was turning into a never-ending story. I wanted to hear from him. I would obsess over that. I might have even tried a love spell. What can I say? Twins make us do the wacky. I would watch the show “YOU”® many years later and not be shocked at the extremism. Someone once said “love” is the most dangerous emotion in the world. I would correct that and say “human love” is. It comes with attachments and agendas. It’s not pure. It’s not soul love.
Almost a year to the date I meet the first twin, the second one arrived. December was becoming my month for twin encounters. I was starting to be grateful that Christmas only came once a year. It seemed like anytime Saint Nick was knocking at my door so was another twin. It seems it was a Christmas present I sent to myself. I would like to say that I was over the last one. I had moved on like any strong empowered women would have done. It had been 9 months since the Irish goodbye. We had only dated long distance for three months. But I hadn’t. I was still caught up in the entire relationship. My mind had gone over my missteps hundreds of times. Had I been to clingy? Did I not try hard enough? That relationship had dug up so many feelings of low self-worth and not being chosen. That would become a theme for me. Never being chosen. Never feeling good enough. It was a massive ego program that was being unearthed.
I never looked at myself as a prize. It was as if I shined the mirror on everyone but myself. It didn’t even matter who they were. This was a program that I would really examine over the next few years. Why was it so hard to find someone who would choose me? I was setting up the perfect reality for twin number two. The setting was the same. Christmas time at the same place I had meet my last twin. This one was tall, dark and handsome. What can I say? I had a type. There was a difference in this one. He was 20 years younger. My first twin had been younger also, eleven-year difference. I never thought I would find myself with a 21-year-old but there I was. It showed me that it was about the energy of the connection not logic. There was no logic in any of these twin contracts.
This relationship was similar to the last. They were many obstacles and age was just an obvious one. He was going to be leaving for college in January so our time would be short. Where my first twin had been more of a physical connection, this one was different. It was an emotional connection. He would come over and we would talk all night. In his youth, he had never experienced a connection like that. I feel that was my purpose for him. He had to experience that emotional connection.
We would connect on a deeper level. It showed me where the first connection had been lacking. There was a sweetness to this one. We would just spend time together. But even though the form was different there was an energy that was similar. We weren’t a couple. Our relationship was private. The age difference was my issue. We weren’t exclusive and it turned out I was not the only one on his dance card. I didn’t expect to be. Perhaps it was a part of me that wanted to be.
Our time together was long and short all at the same time. We had a month together and he would leave. I wanted to be the adult, sending him off with joy. He was starting an entirely new adventure. In a way, I was jealous. I wanted new thing to come in for me also. There was sadness for both of us when he left. He was very special to me but this was not built to last. This had an expiration date the moment it landed in my universal shopping cart. He would leave and I would mourn. The pattern would repeat.