My Ascension Diary - What I Unearthed About Abundance - Part 34

It Was Not What I Thought It Would Be

In my early years, I studied the Law of Attraction. It was an amazing way to open up to something beyond the physical. I in no way want to minimize the impact that the Law of Attraction has had on millions of people. I simply outgrew it. I could say that it doesn’t really work. But that is not entirely true. It does work. It works differently as your consciousness expands. When I was rooted in the 3D world, the Law of Attraction opened me to a new way of thinking. It made me understand that my thoughts had power. But since at that time I was not entirely conscious, neither were my thoughts.

In other words, I didn’t understand that the items I consciously wanted to attracted might not be in viable in my higher states of consciousness. Did my higher states of consciousness care about a car? A relationship? Or Money? The answer was not. Even when the Law of Attraction did bring these things in they would only be replaced with the next hole filler. Did it show me that my thoughts could create things? Yes, it did. At that time, I was missing the point. It was the intention of my thoughts that mattered. Not the thoughts themselves. Why did I want a car? Was it for my ego? Was it to enable me to do my part in raising the consciousness of the planet?

Those were the questions that I had to ask myself. Why did I “want” something? What was the energy behind it? Did I want something out of need and lack? It became so important to look at my energy in every exchange. Every thought became conscious. It taught me a lot about myself. It showed me why I created the experiences that I did. It didn’t matter if I had labeled it “good”, “bad”, or “ugly.” All that mattered is understanding standing the energetics that created it.

The Law of Attraction will bring you things that you want. But it doesn’t always bring you what will unleash complete joy and bliss. That is the issue with asking for something. Our human mind is limited. It doesn’t really know what will make our soul happy. It doesn’t know what to ask for and when it does it puts so many limits on everything. I want that car. I want that person. Even when we try to broaden the spectrum, it doesn’t do much good. We can’t even see how limited we are.

Money never made me happy. I had money, more that most. I was not a millionaire. Other people would wish they had the money I had. It was all relative. I wanted what they had. It was a game of comparison. It was a game with no winner.

My universe would show me I could not teach something I had not experienced. In the higher realms of consciousness, I had to leave it. If I did not live it, how was I ever going to believe it myself. The short answer was that I could not. By the end of 2019, I was clearing so much financial fear there were times I felt my life was ruined. I was behind on my mortgage. The credit card companies wanted their money and other bills kept piling up.

I was trying to live my dream. I had been doing everything I could to let go of the old ways of financial thinking. I was in a rebuild and there was only one way out, straight ahead.

It was stressful for the first few months. Money would come in a little at a time. Mostly from my parents (a lot of judgement and shame there.) Clients would come in and out. Babysitting jobs became my lifeline for a while. When I say I had limited money it meant all the credit cards were gone. I had $1.00 in my account. All the savings was gone. Most of the time my bank account was negative. I learned to demise automatic payments. I stop using them after this fiasco. I had built a reality on financial quicksand and when the stable paycheck went, that life came tumbling down.

I didn’t own my house. The bank did. Those credit cards were not helping me out in a time of great need. They wanted their money back. For the first time in my life, I had no money. I sliced though every bit of fear I had. It brought we to the tears some days. I didn’t know what to do any more. I kept pursuing my dream. Even though it seemed like a lost cause. But even on the worst days and believe me there were some bleak ones. I found my abundance energy. I found gratitude for the days I did have food. The days where I could go out and treat myself. I appreciated things more. Everything meant more to me now.

I would sit in bed and think about how lucky I was. In that moment, I had a roof over my head. I had food in my stomach. I had two arms and two legs. I was happy. I was happy deep inside because I had followed my path. In every way I could, I was making a difference. It didn’t matter if I had money or not. Sometimes I would just bring energy to a situation. Some days that is all I had to offer. I could offer myself. When I had money, I would bring that. But I learned that money didn’t move the needle for me. I would do the best with each wave of money that came in. For a while, I kept ending up in the same space again, with $1.00 in my bank account and no safety net.

For a while, I thought I was doing something wrong. I could not understand why the constant in flow of money was not occurring. It should be an easy path. Money would flow in and out. There were more stops and starts. After a while, I understood that I was clearing abundance karma. I would not get more money till I could be fully trusted with it. I had to understand that money would aid me in creating my amazing realities. It in itself was not an amazing reality. I was an energetic return to my presence in the world.

It was a representation on how I showed up. It was easy for me to say I “gave back.” When I earned thousands a month and I would give $50 to a charity. That is not consciousness. That is human ego giving. There was a time when I got $20.00 in a Halloween Card. This was the first money I had seen in about two weeks. I had a list of items I needed. Food was on that list. But Halloween was 2 days away. I spent $9.00 on myself, $6.00 on candy, and I gave the rest away. I wanted to created a magical experience for the kids in the neighborhood. I wanted to give what I could. That is giving back in the higher realms.

I had to break the mentality that I was not abundant. My energy was abundant. The money would mirror back at me at some point. How could it not? I felt grateful inside for every step I had taken over the last year. None of them had been easy. They tested everything I had inside. But I was still standing. I would look back at my old life and think “yes, I had money” but I wasn’t “happy” and I had no peace inside. Even in those days I was stressed over money. It was comical to think of those old versions of me.

How did I know I did the right thing with the $20.00? The next day I got a babysitting job and made $100.00.